Has your job ruined your Sunday nights? Yeah, with that feeling of dread you get about having to come back to work the next morning because quite frankly… you hate every minute of it.
If this is you, what I’m about to share is exactly what you need the most, (even though it won’t be easy to hear)
Don’t quit your job yet.
There is a bit of healing (and wisdom gathering) you need to do before you leave.
I know, I know. That is a tough one to swallow, but there is a good reason why I say so.
Let me explain.
Different place, same issues.
Many times, the toxic dynamics in our work are just a reflection of unresolved issues from our past.
Many times, the toxic dynamics in our work are just a reflection of unresolved issues from our past Click To Tweet
So quitting your job, without healing those issues or becoming conscious of them, can be counterproductive.
I’ve seen it many times: making a career change to leave a bad situation behind, only to end up in a different job with the same type of problems. You don’t want that, do you?
I understand you are eager to leave, but it’d do you more good to heal your heart before taking the leap. And don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be difficult if you follow the steps I’m about to share.
One aspect of Your Life Purpose is to grow.
The situation you find yourself in right now it’s an opportunity for growth.
Part of your purpose consists of learning and growing from life’s challenges.
Frequently, the wisdom we acquire while we overcome the challenge becomes the contribution we are here to make, or in other words, it’s how we help others.
But first, we need to get out of the problem ourselves.
This is the 5 steps healing process I personally use. You might want to try it.
It’s based on two of the most powerful tools I know of: Hooponopono and EFT tapping.
The 5 Step process to heal your heart (before quitting your job):
Find a quiet place where nobody will interrupt you for at least 30 minutes. Keep a pen and paper handy to take notes of your discoveries.
Step 1: Accept your contribution to the problem
This first step is based on a Hawaiian healing technique called Ho Oponopono.
In every conflict we are involved, we have partially contributed to the problem. I ask you that, just for the next 30 minutes, pretend you have 100% responsibility for what has gone wrong in your current job.
It can be hard to admit, but just for the sake of the exercise, pretend you are100% responsible for what happened.
Then ask yourself these questions:
- What is in me that has caused this conflict?
- How have I contributed to this situation?
Some typical answers to these questions are:
– “I chose what was in front of me without really knowing what the job was about”
– ”I never complained to my boss about the extra work he was giving me”
– “I stayed in this job for too long, knowing it wasn’t aligned with my values.”
– “I felt powerless about the situation”
Step 2: Embrace your feelings
Being honest about your work situation is uncomfortable, to say the least. But it’s a courageous thing to do.
Now give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel. Don’t fight it since that will make the feelings grow stronger.
When I do this step, I always place a hand over my heart and breath while saying to myself:
- What if it was ok to feel like i do?
It might be frustration, anger, sadness, tiredness, disappointment, etc.
Step 3: Shift your Inner State.
Imagine you can connect with that part of your that is wise and compassionate. Talk to that part by repeating these sentences in order. Do it at least three times and notice how you feel afterwards.
– I’m sorry for what happened.
– Please forgive myself for what I did.
– I love you no matter what.
– Thank you for all the lessons and growth
Remember you are safe, here and now, in your own private space.
- How do you feel now?
- Has anything shifted inside of you?
Step 4: Release whatever is left
Once you’ve given yourself plenty of time to feel your discomfort and acknowledge your truth about the situation, it’s time to come back to your center of peace.
But at times, this is easier said than done.
Difficult emotions are sticky, I find anger especially tricky to release,
Neuroscientists have found that the amygdala -the part of the brain related to the Fight, Flight or Freeze response is very active and big in Highly Sensitive People (which I am), so the negative feelings can stay longer in us.
That’s when we need a mind-body tool to calm the amygdala and the nervous system in a safe and easy way.
My favorite tool for doing this is EFT tapping.
You can tap slightly with your fingertips in the tapping points while repeating.
- I’m safe.
- It’s ok to feel like this.
- This is just how I feel.
- I give myself permission to feel like this.
Then do another round saying:
- “I release and let go of this anger (name your sticky feeling instead)”
Step 5 Gather the wisdom.
Now it’s time to gather your wisdom: Ask yourself these questions:
- What have you learned from this painful experience at work?
- What can you do differently from now on?
- What kind of support will you need to act differently in the future?
- What have you discovered about what you DON’T like in a job?
Jot down all your answers. They contain invaluable information about what you need to create a happy life in the future.
Please, don’t underestimate the importance of doing this kind of healing work before -or right after- you quit your job. I wish I had done this kind of forgiveness when I left my career as an Architect.
The feelings of frustration and failure we hold inside can keep you stuck in a
loop, repeating the patterns that led you to this frustrating job in the first place.
I know how important it is to come back to your center of peace before making any career change decisions.
That’s why I created the Career Change First Aid Kit, a 8 page PDF full of tips on how to come back to your center of peace. You can grab a FREE copy by visiting: